Friday, February 9

Funeral Etiquette...

As most of you know, my husband's grandfather passed away late last week. We had the funeral on Monday and since my husband was one of the priests officiating at the funeral service, we arrived quite early and I was able to watch mourners arrive. I cannot even begin to tell you how appalled I was at the way people were dressed. It seems to me that people have forgotten the proper way to dress for a funeral.

Here are some words of wisdom on the subject from Genevieve Antoine Dariaux, author of A Guide to Elegance:

"A woman who attends a funeral dressed in a conspicuous manner shows proof of a total lack of good taste and good manners. Even if you are not a member of the immediate family, you should dress in black, or at least in whatever you own that is most dark and neutral, and you should wear no jewelery. During the course of a year it is unfortunately likely that you will be obliged to attend a funeral ceremony, and you should prepare for this eventuality in planning your wardrobe.

The best choice, aside from a black suit of wool in winter and linen in the summer, is a dark gray flannel ensemble, both of them worn with a black hat, gloves, shoes, and bag."

11 comments:

Cherish the Home said...

I agree. What a great reminder. (o:

Anonymous said...

I'm in total agreement. Your post could extend to weddings as well.

Anonymous said...

oh, I totally agree and understand what you mean! My MIL passed away 3 years ago and I was appalled at the way some folks looked at both the viewing and funeral.

When did jeans become "okay" for funerals? :\ If thats all that one has or can afford, fine. I knew these people and they certainly afford more than a pair of jeans.

My parents barely tolerated my wearing jeans to school and I'm only 36, so that wasn't back in the 1800's or anything! :)
*quietly steps down from her soapbox* :)

Lean Not said...

Yes, it is very important to show respect.

When we go to something such as a funeral or wedding, we are there to show honor to someone else. It would be selfish to divert so much of the attention to ourselves.

I think that this would apply to the modesty issue as well as the wild color issue: people should not try to be the topic of stares and discussion! (ever, in my opinion, but especially at solemn events!)

Anna said...

Ick!

We attended a beautiful wedding last weekend and I was appalled to see one of my contemporaries--a schoolteacher and mother of four--in khaki pants, a long-sleeved tee, and canvas sneakers! She should know better.

On the other hand, the bridesmaids wore the most beautiful tailored wool suits--fitted waists, peplums, full skirts--in various cheery tweedy colors. Just delightful!

Courtney said...

I agree, Emma! I saw a good example today of "nice" attire going the way of the horse and buggy: we watched the regional spelling bee on PBS. I was appalled at what some of the students were wearing: old tee shirts, hoodies, etc. While this is not a formal occasion, it is a special event and the students are representing their schools! My husband remarked that the Catholic school students should have at least been wearing their uniforms, but one of the parochial school girls looked the most unkempt of the bunch! The homeschooled contestant was one of the only neatly and modestly dressed.

Courtney said...

Oh, and don't get me STARTED on what I see people wear to Mass every week! Eek! I can only assume they must not be fully catechized because if they realized Christ was FULLY present on the altar, I'm sure they would dress appropriately to meet their King.

Mrs. Cote said...

So true, I could not agree more with you. I wish I had that quote to pass around when my grandmother passed away a few months ago! People showed up in all manner of inappropriate dress but I was mostly shocked by black dance club wear. Dresses small enough to be embarassing! I think I might have been thankful for jeans at that point :/

On a purely selfish note, as someone who loves stopping by here, it is nice to have you back :)

MamaBirdEmma said...

I wish that people were more civilized when it comes to public events (esp. solomn ones)... It shows such a lack of respect and common decency when people don't!

Anonymous said...

I try to be forgiving of those people who don't dress "properly." After all, my definition won't always match everyone else's. Under common belief, Jesus walked around in sandals. He had long hair and a beard. He wore his robe everywhere he went. Yes, his dress was subject to the times in which he lived. Jesus loved the common man and especially those cast away by society. If Jesus were here today, I believe he just might come to us in jeans and flip flops. I hope if he does I do not dismiss him for his dress, but instead listen to what he has to offer. A person's soul could be properly dressed when their bodies are not.

Of note: One of the great-uncles I respected most in my family was always dapper and well mannered. Another of my cousins in often comfortable relating to you in casual dress. Both are priests. Guess which one is the decollared pedophile who molested many of his nephews? Many people were fooled by my suave uncle.

OK, certain dress codes we would like to see adhered to. But forgiveness and showing the right way are what Christianity is all about.

Audrey said...

"During the course of a year it is unfortunately likely that you will be obliged to attend a funeral ceremony, and you should prepare for this eventuality in planning your wardrobe."

Thanks for this--we recently lost a baby in-utero and in planning for the funeral, I didn't give one thought to what to wear.

Like it or not, I will have the occasion to wear something funeral-appropriate sooner or later--I will be prepared!

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